Things that bug me

All throughout my life there have been things big and small that have at one time or another bugged or bothered me. Things I believe the world would best do without. I thought about it, and have decided to make a list of some of these things in no particular order of importance. Enjoy.

1. Annoying or stupid ringtones - Every once in a while you are on a train or a bus and you get that person with some annoying ringtone that only he/she thinks is funny. You just want to get into their face and tell them to change their freaking ringtone to something less idiotic. Seriously, a man vomiting as a ringtone is not funny. Sure, maybe its funny when you are some college kid looking for a laugh, but not when you are a 40-year man in a doctor's office full of sick people.
2. Censorship - This portion of the entry has been removed by blogger.com for containing extreme profanity, violent depictions of violence, and several poorly executed penis jokes.
3. Religion
4. Strange relationships in cartoons - This is something that has always bothered me. What is it with the wierd relationships cartoon characters sometimes have? Like in this one cartoon a cat with a distinctly older male voice seems to have a thing for some little girl. Creepy? You bet it is. Number one, this clearly implies bestiality between a human and an animal. Number two, although the ages are never specified, the cat has the voice of a grown man(with a *scottish accent, to be more specific). So, not only are themes of beastiality present, but so are themes of pedophelia. You may say to yourself that this is just a cartoon, and children will never figure any of this out. But what will you say when you see your 5 year old trying to get some from the neighbors cat? Something tells me that the people who came up with this cartoon had a little more on their minds than I'd like to know. *My apology to all Scottish people if this makes you look bad. Hopefully beastiality and pedophilia won't be the new scottish stereotypes, although after this post I can't make any promises.
5. Soap operas - One thing that I could never get are the soap operas. You know, the ones with over the top plots and bad acting? Well ok, I can be lenient on the acting. If I would venture a guess, I would say that that bad acting is a result of really low standards. I mean, most of the people who act in soap operas are either illegal immigrants, illiterate, or both. Acting aside, there are also the ridiculous plots. Here are a few examples of some typical soap opera plots:

1. Terri has just found out the John is pregnant! But who is the father? Find out next week when the shocking test results are revealed!
2. Samantha, who is cheating on Bob with his identical brother Rob(who is cheating on Samantha with her identical brother, James Issac the Second) is in a coma after falling down twenty(20) flights of stairs(_-^). At the same time, the doctors have discovered she was somehow impregnated during her fall. But who is the father? Find out next week when the doctors perform a dangerous operation to remove her forehead nipples.
3. Jessica is having a custody battle with her ex-boyfriend and former pimp, Jesus Smurfenmeister, over their son, Jesus Smurfenmiester Jr. Jessica wants custody of Jesus Jr. so she can put him in a private school, while Jesus Sr. wants to him to take up the family pimp business. As the court proceeds, things start to heat up when they start revealing each other's embarassing secrets, like Jesus's periodic lactation. Eventually they end up having sexual relations on the floor while the Jury is left to decide who gets custody of Jesus Jr.

Well, thats pretty much everything. Now its up to you to come up with things that bug you. Email me at my email address, and maybe I will feature your "Things that bug you" right here on my blog. Nah, not really. But you can humor me by trying.

Yeah....

Long time no update....

Yeah, I realise that I haven't updated in a while and there is a good reason: lack of motivation. I just really don't have much motivation anymore to write stuff. Thats probably a poor excuse, but
I can't think of any other reason. I have some ideas on things, but I just can't seem to find the time to really sit down and work on a good quality update. The only good thing I've noticed is that the counter is slowly rising, so that means a few new people look at my blog everyday. This is great, but also disappointing in the sense that all these people visited but never left any feedback. This is partially the reason for my lack of motivation, and ironically the thing that motivates me. People view my blog, so I feel I have an obligation to do new stuff, yet at the same time I don't get any feedback which lowers my motivation. But hopefully once I start getting some updates done things will get better. I am currently working on a few "projects"(yes, I like to use the professional term) and should be done soon. So.. if anyone cares, check back periodically for new stuff. So, just to keep you occupied, here is an interesting picture I found.

When choosing to get a DUI, always make sure you dress apropriatly. This guy obviously had his priorities in the wrong place. Personally, I wouldn't have chosen a public mugshot as a way of proclaiming my love of midget porn. I would've taken the practical approach and done an infomercial wearing that shirt. This way, I can let everyone know I love midget porn and at the same advertise butt cream or something.

Story Time pt. 3

The Epic tale of How Tom Cruise and the Queen of England Tried to Take over the World continues with part 3! Check out parts one and two here!!!

Back in England, Tom decided it would be fun to sign some autographs.But, little did he know that his little trip to that little mall would end up in disaster. As usual, Tom woke up nice and early to stare at himself in the mirror and chant "You da man! No, I'm da man!" until the Queen called him down for breakfast. After breakfast, the Queen decided to check her e-mail while Tom prepared a list of the things he would sign on the pictures of himself. His list of phrases included: "Stay sexy" ~ Tom, "I'm not gay" ~ Tom , and "Seriously, this joke is getting old. I'm not gay.Really." ~ Tom. As the Queen looked through the usual male enhancement advertisements and Chuck Norris jokes, she noticed something interesting. Towards the bottom of the list was an offer for an unrated japanese version Whinni the Pooh dvd featuring Pooh's exposed genitalia. And under that, an email simply titled, "Urgent". The Queen opened the email and read its contents. She then contacted the British army. Life for our heroes was going to get much more difficult now.

As for Tom, things couldn't be better. He had just finished signing autographs on the first floor when he decided to sign some autographs on the second floor. So he gathered all of his unsigned pictures and headed for the escalator. Then the unthinkable happened. As the escalator escalated towards the halfway point, there was a noise, like the sound of an escalator breaking down. This is when it happened. The great and mighty Tom Cruise was stuck. On an escalator.

Darkness had already settled as Arnold, Lindsey and Hugh headed outside towards Hugh's garage. They knew that the best way to get to England was under the cover of night, quickly and quietly. To do that, they would need something small and light weight; something that wouldn't make too much noise. After looking through all of Hugh's expensive junk, Arnold found just the thing: a motorized flying motorcycle complete with a basket in the front. So they hopped on the bike with Arnold driving, Lindsey sitting behind him, and Hugh in the basket. With all the preparation complete, Arnold revved up the bike and took off just as some clones managed to break their way into the garage. They flew over the moon and into the night, to finally stop Tom and the Queen, and bring order to the world.

Canada had already surrendered. So had Mexico and most of the European countries. Time was running out as one by one the countries surrendered to the Queen. Seeing what had happened to America, no one wanted to take a chance. As the Queen crossed another country off her list, Arnold, Lindsey and Hugh were flying somewhere over the North Atlantic ocean. Suddenly they heard a loud woosh, like the sound of a rocket missing its target. Lindsey turned around and saw two jets following closely behind them. She yelled out to Arnold as he swerved to the left, nearly avoiding another missile. There was no escape for them now. Arnold desperatly tried to avoid the next missile, but to no avail. The missile hit its target, and our heroes fell to the water below....

Having heard the good news the Queen decided to take a break and visit Tom who, unfortunatly, had to spend the night in the mall. Everyone cleared the way as the Queen entered the mall and looked around. After browsing for some outfits, she finally came to the busted escalator and saw Tom helplessly watching the technicians fixing the escalator drinking coffee and telling nun jokes. Tired of Tom's nonsense, she stormed up the escalator. As Tom was about to offer her one of his "stay sexy ~ Tom" autographs, she grabbed his ear and dragged him down to the first floor. There they stayed as Tom resumed signing autographs while the Queen went shopping. Everything seemed to be going just as planned. Tom and the Queen( but mostly the Queen) had so far succeeded in their quest for world domination. Was this going to be the end? Would Tom and the Queen really succeed? Will I ever stop it with this corny crap? All this and more will be answered....in the next paragraph. Or so.

It was quiet. The water sparkled in the bright warm sun. Then a cough. A moan. And a whine. Lindsey, Arnold and Hugh opened their eyes to see a deep blue sky.They lay on the beach for a few minutes, trying to make sense of their surroundings. Finally Lindsey got up and looked around. The beach stretched for miles on both sides. There was no sign of any other human lifeform. Another moan. Arnold had gotten up and joined Lindsey. After more looking around, it seemed as if they were on a deserted island. It seemed that way, but just as Lindsey, Arnold and Hugh were deciding who they were going to eat first, a stranger appeared in the distance. They were saved. After having a long and interesting conversation with the stranger, they found out that the deserted island they thought they were on was actually Ireland. Luckily, Ireland was pretty close to England, and soon our heroes were back on track. The final battle between good and clinicaly insane was coming near.

Two days later the trio had finally made it to England. This was it. They were going to stop Tom and the Queen once and for all. With no help from Hugh, they were able to find the Queen's house in just a few hours. Then, they began operation "break into the Queen's house and kick some ass".Using her invisibility powers, Lindsey sneaked in and disabled the alarm system while Arnold beat up all the guards using Hugh as a human shield. Tom was in the main dining hall finishing up his tea when he saw Arnold dashing towards him with a mad look in his eyes. Tom quickly jumped out of the way as Arnold crashed into the table. While he was stunned, Tom ran up the stairs toward the Queen's room. He was too late. Lindsey already had the Queen tied to a chair. Tom turned around to run back, but saw Arnold standing in the door way. He was trapped, with nowhere to go. Suddenly Tom felt a strange sensation in his stomach. Then his entire body started to tingle. His head began to pulsate as he started to grow into a large green muscular creature, similar to the Hulk but with enough differences so as to not infringe on any copyrights. The Queen sighed as she realised what had happened. She told Tom that the liquid he wanted to put into his tea wasn't corn syrup, but he didn't listen. Tom let out a huge growl, grabbed Lindsey and jumped out the window, showering the street below with thousands of shards of glass. Arnold, dumbstruck by what had just happened, shook his head and jumped out the window onto a conveniently placed motorcycle. He started up the bike and followed Tom's trail of large craps, similiar to the Hulk's but with enough differences so as to not infringe on any copyrights. The Queen was alone in the house with Hugh. She managed to untie herself and was now looking for a way to escape. She was contemplating jumping out the window onto the second conveniently placed motorcycle when Hugh walked into the room. The final clash began.

Hugh ran towards the Queen, and threw a right hook. The Queen dodged just in time and kicked Hugh from behind. Hugh quickly spun around and was met with a kick to the face. He tried to retaliate with a left hook, but the Queen countered with a direct punch to the nose. Hugh was starting to get dizzy. His vision blurred as he staggered towards the Queen's fish tank. As a last effort to do something, Hugh knocked over the tank splashing the Queen with water. The Queen let out a large shriek as she started to fizzle and melt. Hugh did it. He finally defeated the Queen, saving the world. There was just one more peice of buisiness to take care of.....