Story Time pt. 3
The Epic tale of How Tom Cruise and the Queen of England Tried to Take over the World continues with part 3! Check out parts one and two here!!!
Back in England, Tom decided it would be fun to sign some autographs.But, little did he know that his little trip to that little mall would end up in disaster. As usual, Tom woke up nice and early to stare at himself in the mirror and chant "You da man! No, I'm da man!" until the Queen called him down for breakfast. After breakfast, the Queen decided to check her e-mail while Tom prepared a list of the things he would sign on the pictures of himself. His list of phrases included: "Stay sexy" ~ Tom, "I'm not gay" ~ Tom , and "Seriously, this joke is getting old. I'm not gay.Really." ~ Tom. As the Queen looked through the usual male enhancement advertisements and Chuck Norris jokes, she noticed something interesting. Towards the bottom of the list was an offer for an unrated japanese version Whinni the Pooh dvd featuring Pooh's exposed genitalia. And under that, an email simply titled, "Urgent". The Queen opened the email and read its contents. She then contacted the British army. Life for our heroes was going to get much more difficult now.
As for Tom, things couldn't be better. He had just finished signing autographs on the first floor when he decided to sign some autographs on the second floor. So he gathered all of his unsigned pictures and headed for the escalator. Then the unthinkable happened. As the escalator escalated towards the halfway point, there was a noise, like the sound of an escalator breaking down. This is when it happened. The great and mighty Tom Cruise was stuck. On an escalator.
Darkness had already settled as Arnold, Lindsey and Hugh headed outside towards Hugh's garage. They knew that the best way to get to England was under the cover of night, quickly and quietly. To do that, they would need something small and light weight; something that wouldn't make too much noise. After looking through all of Hugh's expensive junk, Arnold found just the thing: a motorized flying motorcycle complete with a basket in the front. So they hopped on the bike with Arnold driving, Lindsey sitting behind him, and Hugh in the basket. With all the preparation complete, Arnold revved up the bike and took off just as some clones managed to break their way into the garage. They flew over the moon and into the night, to finally stop Tom and the Queen, and bring order to the world.
Canada had already surrendered. So had Mexico and most of the European countries. Time was running out as one by one the countries surrendered to the Queen. Seeing what had happened to America, no one wanted to take a chance. As the Queen crossed another country off her list, Arnold, Lindsey and Hugh were flying somewhere over the North Atlantic ocean. Suddenly they heard a loud woosh, like the sound of a rocket missing its target. Lindsey turned around and saw two jets following closely behind them. She yelled out to Arnold as he swerved to the left, nearly avoiding another missile. There was no escape for them now. Arnold desperatly tried to avoid the next missile, but to no avail. The missile hit its target, and our heroes fell to the water below....
Having heard the good news the Queen decided to take a break and visit Tom who, unfortunatly, had to spend the night in the mall. Everyone cleared the way as the Queen entered the mall and looked around. After browsing for some outfits, she finally came to the busted escalator and saw Tom helplessly watching the technicians fixing the escalator drinking coffee and telling nun jokes. Tired of Tom's nonsense, she stormed up the escalator. As Tom was about to offer her one of his "stay sexy ~ Tom" autographs, she grabbed his ear and dragged him down to the first floor. There they stayed as Tom resumed signing autographs while the Queen went shopping. Everything seemed to be going just as planned. Tom and the Queen( but mostly the Queen) had so far succeeded in their quest for world domination. Was this going to be the end? Would Tom and the Queen really succeed? Will I ever stop it with this corny crap? All this and more will be answered....in the next paragraph. Or so.
It was quiet. The water sparkled in the bright warm sun. Then a cough. A moan. And a whine. Lindsey, Arnold and Hugh opened their eyes to see a deep blue sky.They lay on the beach for a few minutes, trying to make sense of their surroundings. Finally Lindsey got up and looked around. The beach stretched for miles on both sides. There was no sign of any other human lifeform. Another moan. Arnold had gotten up and joined Lindsey. After more looking around, it seemed as if they were on a deserted island. It seemed that way, but just as Lindsey, Arnold and Hugh were deciding who they were going to eat first, a stranger appeared in the distance. They were saved. After having a long and interesting conversation with the stranger, they found out that the deserted island they thought they were on was actually Ireland. Luckily, Ireland was pretty close to England, and soon our heroes were back on track. The final battle between good and clinicaly insane was coming near.
Two days later the trio had finally made it to England. This was it. They were going to stop Tom and the Queen once and for all. With no help from Hugh, they were able to find the Queen's house in just a few hours. Then, they began operation "break into the Queen's house and kick some ass".Using her invisibility powers, Lindsey sneaked in and disabled the alarm system while Arnold beat up all the guards using Hugh as a human shield. Tom was in the main dining hall finishing up his tea when he saw Arnold dashing towards him with a mad look in his eyes. Tom quickly jumped out of the way as Arnold crashed into the table. While he was stunned, Tom ran up the stairs toward the Queen's room. He was too late. Lindsey already had the Queen tied to a chair. Tom turned around to run back, but saw Arnold standing in the door way. He was trapped, with nowhere to go. Suddenly Tom felt a strange sensation in his stomach. Then his entire body started to tingle. His head began to pulsate as he started to grow into a large green muscular creature, similar to the Hulk but with enough differences so as to not infringe on any copyrights. The Queen sighed as she realised what had happened. She told Tom that the liquid he wanted to put into his tea wasn't corn syrup, but he didn't listen. Tom let out a huge growl, grabbed Lindsey and jumped out the window, showering the street below with thousands of shards of glass. Arnold, dumbstruck by what had just happened, shook his head and jumped out the window onto a conveniently placed motorcycle. He started up the bike and followed Tom's trail of large craps, similiar to the Hulk's but with enough differences so as to not infringe on any copyrights. The Queen was alone in the house with Hugh. She managed to untie herself and was now looking for a way to escape. She was contemplating jumping out the window onto the second conveniently placed motorcycle when Hugh walked into the room. The final clash began.
Hugh ran towards the Queen, and threw a right hook. The Queen dodged just in time and kicked Hugh from behind. Hugh quickly spun around and was met with a kick to the face. He tried to retaliate with a left hook, but the Queen countered with a direct punch to the nose. Hugh was starting to get dizzy. His vision blurred as he staggered towards the Queen's fish tank. As a last effort to do something, Hugh knocked over the tank splashing the Queen with water. The Queen let out a large shriek as she started to fizzle and melt. Hugh did it. He finally defeated the Queen, saving the world. There was just one more peice of buisiness to take care of.....
Back in England, Tom decided it would be fun to sign some autographs.But, little did he know that his little trip to that little mall would end up in disaster. As usual, Tom woke up nice and early to stare at himself in the mirror and chant "You da man! No, I'm da man!" until the Queen called him down for breakfast. After breakfast, the Queen decided to check her e-mail while Tom prepared a list of the things he would sign on the pictures of himself. His list of phrases included: "Stay sexy" ~ Tom, "I'm not gay" ~ Tom , and "Seriously, this joke is getting old. I'm not gay.Really." ~ Tom. As the Queen looked through the usual male enhancement advertisements and Chuck Norris jokes, she noticed something interesting. Towards the bottom of the list was an offer for an unrated japanese version Whinni the Pooh dvd featuring Pooh's exposed genitalia. And under that, an email simply titled, "Urgent". The Queen opened the email and read its contents. She then contacted the British army. Life for our heroes was going to get much more difficult now.
As for Tom, things couldn't be better. He had just finished signing autographs on the first floor when he decided to sign some autographs on the second floor. So he gathered all of his unsigned pictures and headed for the escalator. Then the unthinkable happened. As the escalator escalated towards the halfway point, there was a noise, like the sound of an escalator breaking down. This is when it happened. The great and mighty Tom Cruise was stuck. On an escalator.
Darkness had already settled as Arnold, Lindsey and Hugh headed outside towards Hugh's garage. They knew that the best way to get to England was under the cover of night, quickly and quietly. To do that, they would need something small and light weight; something that wouldn't make too much noise. After looking through all of Hugh's expensive junk, Arnold found just the thing: a motorized flying motorcycle complete with a basket in the front. So they hopped on the bike with Arnold driving, Lindsey sitting behind him, and Hugh in the basket. With all the preparation complete, Arnold revved up the bike and took off just as some clones managed to break their way into the garage. They flew over the moon and into the night, to finally stop Tom and the Queen, and bring order to the world.
Canada had already surrendered. So had Mexico and most of the European countries. Time was running out as one by one the countries surrendered to the Queen. Seeing what had happened to America, no one wanted to take a chance. As the Queen crossed another country off her list, Arnold, Lindsey and Hugh were flying somewhere over the North Atlantic ocean. Suddenly they heard a loud woosh, like the sound of a rocket missing its target. Lindsey turned around and saw two jets following closely behind them. She yelled out to Arnold as he swerved to the left, nearly avoiding another missile. There was no escape for them now. Arnold desperatly tried to avoid the next missile, but to no avail. The missile hit its target, and our heroes fell to the water below....
Having heard the good news the Queen decided to take a break and visit Tom who, unfortunatly, had to spend the night in the mall. Everyone cleared the way as the Queen entered the mall and looked around. After browsing for some outfits, she finally came to the busted escalator and saw Tom helplessly watching the technicians fixing the escalator drinking coffee and telling nun jokes. Tired of Tom's nonsense, she stormed up the escalator. As Tom was about to offer her one of his "stay sexy ~ Tom" autographs, she grabbed his ear and dragged him down to the first floor. There they stayed as Tom resumed signing autographs while the Queen went shopping. Everything seemed to be going just as planned. Tom and the Queen( but mostly the Queen) had so far succeeded in their quest for world domination. Was this going to be the end? Would Tom and the Queen really succeed? Will I ever stop it with this corny crap? All this and more will be answered....in the next paragraph. Or so.
It was quiet. The water sparkled in the bright warm sun. Then a cough. A moan. And a whine. Lindsey, Arnold and Hugh opened their eyes to see a deep blue sky.They lay on the beach for a few minutes, trying to make sense of their surroundings. Finally Lindsey got up and looked around. The beach stretched for miles on both sides. There was no sign of any other human lifeform. Another moan. Arnold had gotten up and joined Lindsey. After more looking around, it seemed as if they were on a deserted island. It seemed that way, but just as Lindsey, Arnold and Hugh were deciding who they were going to eat first, a stranger appeared in the distance. They were saved. After having a long and interesting conversation with the stranger, they found out that the deserted island they thought they were on was actually Ireland. Luckily, Ireland was pretty close to England, and soon our heroes were back on track. The final battle between good and clinicaly insane was coming near.
Two days later the trio had finally made it to England. This was it. They were going to stop Tom and the Queen once and for all. With no help from Hugh, they were able to find the Queen's house in just a few hours. Then, they began operation "break into the Queen's house and kick some ass".Using her invisibility powers, Lindsey sneaked in and disabled the alarm system while Arnold beat up all the guards using Hugh as a human shield. Tom was in the main dining hall finishing up his tea when he saw Arnold dashing towards him with a mad look in his eyes. Tom quickly jumped out of the way as Arnold crashed into the table. While he was stunned, Tom ran up the stairs toward the Queen's room. He was too late. Lindsey already had the Queen tied to a chair. Tom turned around to run back, but saw Arnold standing in the door way. He was trapped, with nowhere to go. Suddenly Tom felt a strange sensation in his stomach. Then his entire body started to tingle. His head began to pulsate as he started to grow into a large green muscular creature, similar to the Hulk but with enough differences so as to not infringe on any copyrights. The Queen sighed as she realised what had happened. She told Tom that the liquid he wanted to put into his tea wasn't corn syrup, but he didn't listen. Tom let out a huge growl, grabbed Lindsey and jumped out the window, showering the street below with thousands of shards of glass. Arnold, dumbstruck by what had just happened, shook his head and jumped out the window onto a conveniently placed motorcycle. He started up the bike and followed Tom's trail of large craps, similiar to the Hulk's but with enough differences so as to not infringe on any copyrights. The Queen was alone in the house with Hugh. She managed to untie herself and was now looking for a way to escape. She was contemplating jumping out the window onto the second conveniently placed motorcycle when Hugh walked into the room. The final clash began.
Hugh ran towards the Queen, and threw a right hook. The Queen dodged just in time and kicked Hugh from behind. Hugh quickly spun around and was met with a kick to the face. He tried to retaliate with a left hook, but the Queen countered with a direct punch to the nose. Hugh was starting to get dizzy. His vision blurred as he staggered towards the Queen's fish tank. As a last effort to do something, Hugh knocked over the tank splashing the Queen with water. The Queen let out a large shriek as she started to fizzle and melt. Hugh did it. He finally defeated the Queen, saving the world. There was just one more peice of buisiness to take care of.....
posted by Gary at 10:47 PM
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