Aspiring Comedian

30 posts!!

2007-10-21T14:02:00.000-04:00

Hooray, I have finally reached the 30 post mark! Well not really. The sad truth is, this blog is crap so I made a new one. It seems like one or two people still find their way here somehow, so go to my new and better blog HERE

I'm Back, and better than ever( I hope)!

2007-02-14T22:18:00.000-05:00

Thats right. After a month long hiatus I've decided to try my hand at blogging once more. But before I do that, I would like to thank everyone who took the time to leave their comments on my blog. Such wonderful comments as

"Hi
Hot girls Adult only.
ENTER sex hotgirls xanax sex sexcam phentermine+online xanax+online phentermine sex hotbabe sexforadult sex sexygirlsfree sexygirls
sexfree adult hotgirlsonline freeadult sex finder sexvideo valium meridia adultsexsearch ativan xanax drugs valium phentermine+buy viagra drug store
viagra levitra cialis Check prices of these pills:tramadol pharmacy search cialis soma ambien meridia ultram tramadol carisoprodol viagra
for fun"

and

"Good morning, interesting site.
visit smoking stop
http://stop-smoking-aid.batcave.net/smoking-stop.htm smoking stop
Bye."

are greatly appreciated. It means a lot to me when people take the time to read what I have to say and leave some feedback. It really makes my day. For example, here is a great comment I received in response to my post about the recruiter:

Anonymous said...

"Halo, thanks author.
my home page [url=http://viagra-store.info/]viara[/url].
Here you can buy http://viagra-store.info#viagra online.
Bye."

I would just like to say, thank you anonymous. Despite the fact that your comment has nothing to do with my post, I can clearly tell that in some bizarre way I have helped you. And acknowledging that has really made me feel like I can make a difference in this world, even if just for one person.

Once again, thank you everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on my blog.

hello it is my site phentermine
phentermine

I couldn't have said it better myself.

No updates in a long time

2006-12-11T19:24:00.000-05:00

Whew... that was a long time not doing any updates. Well, I've decided to get back into the blogging buisiness and resume doing what I do best. The new year is coming, and I have big things planned for this blog. Big, Big huge things. Things an ordinary human brain would not even be able to comprehend without a substantial amount of alcohol intake followed by a Google image search for "Brian Peppers". So.... you've been warned. As for the rest of the time before the new year, I'll just post anything I come up with. Maybe I'll finally start on my new animated children's series, called "The Adventures of Hitler Toilet". As for now, I have an overdue paper to write. Really the only reason I decided to make this post after almost a month of nothing is to procrastinate. You know, this is the perfect opportunity to talk about all the random things I've been thinking about..crap i gotta write that paper.. such as commercials. Have you ever noticed that.. oh what the hell. I have to write this damn thing or I'm screwed. Peace.

Falling Down the Steps - How one man seriously embarrased and injured himself at the same time

2006-11-10T20:36:00.000-05:00

It started out as an ordinary pep rally. The whores were doing their whore-y cheers, the band was playing the same "song" that they play every pep rally and probably the only one they ever practice, and some idiot was yelling stuff into a microphone about how he enjoys taking showers with his football teammates. All was quiet when something unexpected happened. Some kid got out of his seat, started down the steps and tripped. He rolled all the way down and hit his head on the banister. This is his story. Of how I am about to make fun of him.

It looked like he had tripped. I thought he did it on purpose, like a joke. I'm sure thats what everyone else thought, until he never got up when he reached the bottom. If it was me, I'd be pretty embarrassed. If I was still concious that is. But it really did look like he fell on purpose. He did this roll. Like when you are running and you get into a roll to get under that gate thats coming down, and you slip under it just in time to get away from the terrorists chasing you. He never did get away from those terrorists.... Anyway, thats just my opinion on what happened.

Some people had their own opinions on what happened. For example, some people thought he was trying to commit suicide. For one thing, that sounds highly illogical. I can think of a million better ways he could kill himself and be more succesful. What did people think his plan would have been anyway?

"Ok, I'm gonna do it. Im gonna roll down the steps, and then my head will explode when it hits the banister. its perfect. I shall be remembered forever as the head exploding kid! And they will write a book about me. its perfect..... I should really expand my vocabulary."

The good thing is that they took him away on a stretcher and he will most likely make a full recovery. Physically anyway.

Getting back to business

2006-11-06T19:49:00.000-05:00

Wow, I haven't blogged in a long time. Its gonna be tough to get back into things again, so I just gotta ease back into it. I know, I'll create one of my classic cartoons and scan it into the computer. Yeah, thats what i'll do. Tommorow.

Aw screw it!

2006-10-13T15:14:00.000-04:00

I could never keep a rigid schedule like that, especially when spur of the moment stuff comes up that I just have to type up. This is a conversation I had with a recruiter. I decided to have some fun and screw around with him a little bit.

Phone rings

Me: Hello?
Recruiter: Hi, my name is Joe and I'm calling all high school seniors to see what their plans are after high school.
Me: Ok.
Recruiter: .......What do you plan to do after high school?
Me: Uhhh, I wanna be president.
Recruiter: oh, really?
Me: Yeah.
Recruiter: Heh. Well, you know, being president is a tough job. You gotta be pretty smart and know what you are doing.
Me:Uh-huh. I don't quite see where you are going with this.
Recruiter: Hrm...
Me: But before that, I plan on going to college.
Recruiter: Ok. Where are you going to go?
Me: I'm thinking either USF and if not there then a community college.
Recruiter: Ok, cool. What are you going to major in?
Me: Ummm.. that I don't really know. I'm still.. I'm still thinking about that.
Recruiter: Well, what are your interests?
Me: Forks.
Recruiter: .....
Me: I like to make things out of forks. Sometimes I just sit there for hours bending forks and making stuff.
Recruiter: So, you like building things?
Me: No. I like Forks.
Recruiter: Ok. Have you considered the marines? We have many programs and jobs where you can put things together. Your tuition will be covered 100%.
Me: Nah, the marines aren't for me. I've heard some things that happen there. Its really not my for me.
Recruiter : What have you heard?
Me: Well, is it true that many marines become gay from taking all those group showers?
Recruiter: No, of course not. Who told you that?
Me: You say that like being gay is a bad thing. Do you have a problem with gays?
Recruiter: No, I'm just saying what you heard isn't true. You can be gay if you want, I don't have a problem with it.
Me: I'm not... I'm not gay.
Recruiter: I didn't-
Me: When they shave your head, do they.. umm... do you have to shave your naughty parts too?
Recruiter: Your what? No. Thats not a requirement.
Me: Ok.
Recruiter:.....
Me: Did you hear that?
Recruiter: What..
Me: I heard a noise. Like....like and old man choking a cat.
Recruiter: No. I don't hear anything.
Me: hmm... I guess its just me. I hear things sometimes. You know, like that kid who saw dead people? Well, I can hear them.
Recruiter: I see.
*After this he asks me some questions to see if I'm qualified to be a marine. Just some routine questions which I answer normally. Finally we get to the last few minutes of the conversation.
Recruiter: Well, you're qualified.
Me: Ok, but the marines.. its just not for me.
Recruiter: Why not?
Me: Well... I don't tell this to most people but... I have a tail. And... I'm very self concious about that. It's pretty gross. Its like.. like a rats tail. I try to hide it under my pants and it looks like I have an erection from behind.
Recruiter: ......
Me: But umm.. Hey, I'll think about it and.. you know.. if I change my mind I'll give you guys a call or however.. that works.
Recruiter: I can just give you a call in a few months and see what your plans are at that time.
Me: Ok sure. Bye.
Recruiter: Bye.

Taking things in a bit of a different direction....

2006-10-08T13:55:00.000-04:00

After having this blog for a while, it seems that something just isn't right. So, I took some time to think about it, I've realised that my blog needs more structure. So, starting ~~tommorow~~ ~~Tuesday~~ maybe next week, this is how its going to be:

Short Story Monday - Every Monday I will tell a short story. It will mostly be random nonsense, that, when read in the proper conditions will make total sense.

A comic of some sort Tuesday - Every Tuesday I will use my awsome drawing skills to come up with some sort of witty and occasionally hilarious comic.

Wacky Wednesday - Every Wednesday I will write about myself, or my thoughts on something.

Anything goes Thursday - Thursdays will be completely random. Anything can happen.

In the news Friday - Every Friday I will link to some interesting news articles and give my own views on it or something like that.

As for saturday and sunday, well, even bloggers need to take breaks. Maybe someday I will think of something for those days. As for now, this is how its going to be. I'll try it out and see what happens.

Things that bug me

2006-09-28T19:44:00.000-04:00

All throughout my life there have been things big and small that have at one time or another bugged or bothered me. Things I believe the world would best do without. I thought about it, and have decided to make a list of some of these things in no particular order of importance. Enjoy.

1. Annoying or stupid ringtones - Every once in a while you are on a train or a bus and you get that person with some annoying ringtone that only he/she thinks is funny. You just want to get into their face and tell them to change their freaking ringtone to something less idiotic. Seriously, a man vomiting as a ringtone is not funny. Sure, maybe its funny when you are some college kid looking for a laugh, but not when you are a 40-year man in a doctor's office full of sick people.
2. Censorship - This portion of the entry has been removed by blogger.com for containing extreme profanity, violent depictions of violence, and several poorly executed penis jokes.
3. Religion
4. Strange relationships in cartoons - This is something that has always bothered me. What is it with the wierd relationships cartoon characters sometimes have? Like in this one cartoon a cat with a distinctly older male voice seems to have a thing for some little girl. Creepy? You bet it is. Number one, this clearly implies bestiality between a human and an animal. Number two, although the ages are never specified, the cat has the voice of a grown man(with a *scottish accent, to be more specific). So, not only are themes of beastiality present, but so are themes of pedophelia. You may say to yourself that this is just a cartoon, and children will never figure any of this out. But what will you say when you see your 5 year old trying to get some from the neighbors cat? Something tells me that the people who came up with this cartoon had a little more on their minds than I'd like to know. *My apology to all Scottish people if this makes you look bad. Hopefully beastiality and pedophilia won't be the new scottish stereotypes, although after this post I can't make any promises.
5. Soap operas - One thing that I could never get are the soap operas. You know, the ones with over the top plots and bad acting? Well ok, I can be lenient on the acting. If I would venture a guess, I would say that that bad acting is a result of really low standards. I mean, most of the people who act in soap operas are either illegal immigrants, illiterate, or both. Acting aside, there are also the ridiculous plots. Here are a few examples of some typical soap opera plots:

1. Terri has just found out the John is pregnant! But who is the father? Find out next week when the shocking test results are revealed!
2. Samantha, who is cheating on Bob with his identical brother Rob(who is cheating on Samantha with her identical brother, James Issac the Second) is in a coma after falling down twenty(20) flights of stairs(_-^). At the same time, the doctors have discovered she was somehow impregnated during her fall. But who is the father? Find out next week when the doctors perform a dangerous operation to remove her forehead nipples.
3. Jessica is having a custody battle with her ex-boyfriend and former pimp, Jesus Smurfenmeister, over their son, Jesus Smurfenmiester Jr. Jessica wants custody of Jesus Jr. so she can put him in a private school, while Jesus Sr. wants to him to take up the family pimp business. As the court proceeds, things start to heat up when they start revealing each other's embarassing secrets, like Jesus's periodic lactation. Eventually they end up having sexual relations on the floor while the Jury is left to decide who gets custody of Jesus Jr.

Well, thats pretty much everything. Now its up to you to come up with things that bug you. Email me at my email address, and maybe I will feature your "Things that bug you" right here on my blog. Nah, not really. But you can humor me by trying.

Yeah....

2006-09-27T14:57:00.000-04:00

Long time no update....

2006-09-15T22:04:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I realise that I haven't updated in a while and there is a good reason: lack of motivation. I just really don't have much motivation anymore to write stuff. Thats probably a poor excuse, but
I can't think of any other reason. I have some ideas on things, but I just can't seem to find the time to really sit down and work on a good quality update. The only good thing I've noticed is that the counter is slowly rising, so that means a few new people look at my blog everyday. This is great, but also disappointing in the sense that all these people visited but never left any feedback. This is partially the reason for my lack of motivation, and ironically the thing that motivates me. People view my blog, so I feel I have an obligation to do new stuff, yet at the same time I don't get any feedback which lowers my motivation. But hopefully once I start getting some updates done things will get better. I am currently working on a few "projects"(yes, I like to use the professional term) and should be done soon. So.. if anyone cares, check back periodically for new stuff. So, just to keep you occupied, here is an interesting picture I found.

When choosing to get a DUI, always make sure you dress apropriatly. This guy obviously had his priorities in the wrong place. Personally, I wouldn't have chosen a public mugshot as a way of proclaiming my love of midget porn. I would've taken the practical approach and done an infomercial wearing that shirt. This way, I can let everyone know I love midget porn and at the same advertise butt cream or something.

Story Time pt. 3

2006-09-01T22:47:00.000-04:00

The Epic tale of How Tom Cruise and the Queen of England Tried to Take over the World continues with part 3! Check out parts one and two here!!!

Back in England, Tom decided it would be fun to sign some autographs.But, little did he know that his little trip to that little mall would end up in disaster. As usual, Tom woke up nice and early to stare at himself in the mirror and chant "You da man! No, I'm da man!" until the Queen called him down for breakfast. After breakfast, the Queen decided to check her e-mail while Tom prepared a list of the things he would sign on the pictures of himself. His list of phrases included: "Stay sexy" ~ Tom, "I'm not gay" ~ Tom , and "Seriously, this joke is getting old. I'm not gay.Really." ~ Tom. As the Queen looked through the usual male enhancement advertisements and Chuck Norris jokes, she noticed something interesting. Towards the bottom of the list was an offer for an unrated japanese version Whinni the Pooh dvd featuring Pooh's exposed genitalia. And under that, an email simply titled, "Urgent". The Queen opened the email and read its contents. She then contacted the British army. Life for our heroes was going to get much more difficult now.

As for Tom, things couldn't be better. He had just finished signing autographs on the first floor when he decided to sign some autographs on the second floor. So he gathered all of his unsigned pictures and headed for the escalator. Then the unthinkable happened. As the escalator escalated towards the halfway point, there was a noise, like the sound of an escalator breaking down. This is when it happened. The great and mighty Tom Cruise was stuck. On an escalator.

Darkness had already settled as Arnold, Lindsey and Hugh headed outside towards Hugh's garage. They knew that the best way to get to England was under the cover of night, quickly and quietly. To do that, they would need something small and light weight; something that wouldn't make too much noise. After looking through all of Hugh's expensive junk, Arnold found just the thing: a motorized flying motorcycle complete with a basket in the front. So they hopped on the bike with Arnold driving, Lindsey sitting behind him, and Hugh in the basket. With all the preparation complete, Arnold revved up the bike and took off just as some clones managed to break their way into the garage. They flew over the moon and into the night, to finally stop Tom and the Queen, and bring order to the world.

Canada had already surrendered. So had Mexico and most of the European countries. Time was running out as one by one the countries surrendered to the Queen. Seeing what had happened to America, no one wanted to take a chance. As the Queen crossed another country off her list, Arnold, Lindsey and Hugh were flying somewhere over the North Atlantic ocean. Suddenly they heard a loud woosh, like the sound of a rocket missing its target. Lindsey turned around and saw two jets following closely behind them. She yelled out to Arnold as he swerved to the left, nearly avoiding another missile. There was no escape for them now. Arnold desperatly tried to avoid the next missile, but to no avail. The missile hit its target, and our heroes fell to the water below....

Having heard the good news the Queen decided to take a break and visit Tom who, unfortunatly, had to spend the night in the mall. Everyone cleared the way as the Queen entered the mall and looked around. After browsing for some outfits, she finally came to the busted escalator and saw Tom helplessly watching the technicians fixing the escalator drinking coffee and telling nun jokes. Tired of Tom's nonsense, she stormed up the escalator. As Tom was about to offer her one of his "stay sexy ~ Tom" autographs, she grabbed his ear and dragged him down to the first floor. There they stayed as Tom resumed signing autographs while the Queen went shopping. Everything seemed to be going just as planned. Tom and the Queen( but mostly the Queen) had so far succeeded in their quest for world domination. Was this going to be the end? Would Tom and the Queen really succeed? Will I ever stop it with this corny crap? All this and more will be answered....in the next paragraph. Or so.

It was quiet. The water sparkled in the bright warm sun. Then a cough. A moan. And a whine. Lindsey, Arnold and Hugh opened their eyes to see a deep blue sky.They lay on the beach for a few minutes, trying to make sense of their surroundings. Finally Lindsey got up and looked around. The beach stretched for miles on both sides. There was no sign of any other human lifeform. Another moan. Arnold had gotten up and joined Lindsey. After more looking around, it seemed as if they were on a deserted island. It seemed that way, but just as Lindsey, Arnold and Hugh were deciding who they were going to eat first, a stranger appeared in the distance. They were saved. After having a long and interesting conversation with the stranger, they found out that the deserted island they thought they were on was actually Ireland. Luckily, Ireland was pretty close to England, and soon our heroes were back on track. The final battle between good and clinicaly insane was coming near.

Two days later the trio had finally made it to England. This was it. They were going to stop Tom and the Queen once and for all. With no help from Hugh, they were able to find the Queen's house in just a few hours. Then, they began operation "break into the Queen's house and kick some ass".Using her invisibility powers, Lindsey sneaked in and disabled the alarm system while Arnold beat up all the guards using Hugh as a human shield. Tom was in the main dining hall finishing up his tea when he saw Arnold dashing towards him with a mad look in his eyes. Tom quickly jumped out of the way as Arnold crashed into the table. While he was stunned, Tom ran up the stairs toward the Queen's room. He was too late. Lindsey already had the Queen tied to a chair. Tom turned around to run back, but saw Arnold standing in the door way. He was trapped, with nowhere to go. Suddenly Tom felt a strange sensation in his stomach. Then his entire body started to tingle. His head began to pulsate as he started to grow into a large green muscular creature, similar to the Hulk but with enough differences so as to not infringe on any copyrights. The Queen sighed as she realised what had happened. She told Tom that the liquid he wanted to put into his tea wasn't corn syrup, but he didn't listen. Tom let out a huge growl, grabbed Lindsey and jumped out the window, showering the street below with thousands of shards of glass. Arnold, dumbstruck by what had just happened, shook his head and jumped out the window onto a conveniently placed motorcycle. He started up the bike and followed Tom's trail of large craps, similiar to the Hulk's but with enough differences so as to not infringe on any copyrights. The Queen was alone in the house with Hugh. She managed to untie herself and was now looking for a way to escape. She was contemplating jumping out the window onto the second conveniently placed motorcycle when Hugh walked into the room. The final clash began.

Hugh ran towards the Queen, and threw a right hook. The Queen dodged just in time and kicked Hugh from behind. Hugh quickly spun around and was met with a kick to the face. He tried to retaliate with a left hook, but the Queen countered with a direct punch to the nose. Hugh was starting to get dizzy. His vision blurred as he staggered towards the Queen's fish tank. As a last effort to do something, Hugh knocked over the tank splashing the Queen with water. The Queen let out a large shriek as she started to fizzle and melt. Hugh did it. He finally defeated the Queen, saving the world. There was just one more peice of buisiness to take care of.....

A/S/L

2006-08-24T15:01:00.000-04:00

[hotchick146] - Hi, a/s/l?
[Monkeyman667] - 24/yes/NJ. U?

Died Laughing

2006-08-16T16:38:00.000-04:00

As always, click to enlarge.

Stupidity Test

2006-08-11T17:28:00.000-04:00

Due to some even more complicated stuff, I'm back! Well ok, none of it was complicated, but I don't feel like explaining anything. I am just glad my new computer finally came today after my dad sold my old one. Anyway, this is a great test I created to test your stupidity, it comes with a score and everything. Go check it out!

Stupidity Test

Takin a break

2006-08-09T15:50:00.000-04:00

Due to some complicated stuff, I won't have access to my computer for the next couple of days. I will resume posting on the 14th. So.. just read some of my old stuff.well, thats pretty much all I wanted to say.

School code of Rules and Regulations

2006-08-06T21:40:00.000-04:00

In a perfect world, this is what our schools would be like.

School Code of Rules and Regulations

Dress Code:

- Girls- Dressing like a whore or stripper is unacceptable. If any girl is found dressed this way, she will be dealt with privately in the principle’s office.

- School girl outfits are acceptable.

- Fat girls are to be fully clothed at ALL times. Violation of this rule is a level 3 felony and will have to be taken up in court.

- Guys can dress however they want. We don’t really care.

Drugs and Alcohol

Use of drugs or alcohol on school grounds is prohibited. Any drugs or alcohol confiscated by a teacher are to be disposed of in a trash bin near the teacher’s lounge.
If you bring one joint to class, you must bring enough to share with everyone. Not doing so will result in a letter sent to the parents requesting that the student not be sent back to school until he/she brings enough for the whole class.
Chemistry class is not for mixing drinks unless it is for educational purposes only, such as the affects of various types of alcohols on the body. Leftovers may be shared with other teachers. Keep the baking soda clearly labeled as baking soda, so as to not confuse it with crack.
Any syringes confiscated by a teacher are to be given to the school nurse for proper disposal.

Bullying

Shut up and get over it. This isn’t kindergarten anymore. If anyone is bullying you, get a gun and shoot his ass.

General Code of Conduct

Servicing oneself in the hallways is a level 2 felony. Anyone spotted engaging in such an act by a camera will be escorted into a private room by a staff member and may continue under proper supervision and video surveillance.
Public displays of affection are acceptable only if it is girl on girl.
Nun jokes are to be told in the presence of nuns. If they think the joke is funny, then it is ok to tell the joke to your classmates. Failure to comply to this rule will result in your name being printed on the “Sinners” list.
Public displays of anorexia are unacceptable. Eat a sandwich and get your life together.
Calling someone gay is unacceptable without substantial evidence. Once the evidence is properly examined and the accused is found to be truly gay, you may post his name on the “Sinners” list on the bulletin board in the main hallway.
Voicing your opinion is prohibited. This is not a democracy. Conform to the rules like everyone else and keep your damn comments to yourself.

Stories from Russia pt 1

2006-08-04T13:31:00.000-04:00

As all of you may not know, I was born in St. Petersburg, Russia. When I was only two and a half years old, my family moved to America. Since then, I have visited Russia a few times, and I'd like to share with you all my experiences there. Russia is certainly different from America, both culturally and physically. For one thing, the subways are incredibly clean and well kempt. Not only that, but they feature beautiful arcitechture like nothing you can find in an American subway. On the other hand, the streets are very dirty and dusty. White sneakers can easily be turned black in just one day. Russia also features some great historic sites, such as the Red Square in Moscow and the Hermitage museum in St. Petersburg. I have been to both places, and needless to say they were pretty boring. I'm just not into the whole.. art thing. Being at the Red Square was nice, but all we did was walk around.

Where money is concerned, everything is fairly cheap to an American. Somewhere around thirty rubles amounts to one dollar. And considering how most people there make significantly less than the average American, living in Russia for people is difficult. Most people live in the city, in small apartments. When they go on vacation, they go to the country side, also called a "datcha". Due to the difficult living conditions, even cops need to break the rules to make money, which is why a lot of the authority figures are corrupt, and take bribes. You can easily get out of a ticket by simply giving the cop ten or twenty bucks, and continue speeding. Also because of the difficult living conditions, many people tend to be mean or rude for no reason.

This is pretty much the gist of what I saw when I was in Russia. I do have some in depth stories to tell, and I will get to those some other time. I hope you enjoyed this insiteful and interesting "lecture" on Russia. The funny stuff will continue tommorow.

Who wants to be a Superhero?

2006-08-03T11:21:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been hooked on this great reality show called "Who Wants to be a superhero", which is hosted by none other than comic book legend Stan Lee himself. The premise of the show is that 11(two eliminated so far) self made "superheros" are tested in various aspects of what every superhero should have, such as courage, integrity, self-sacrifice, compassion, and resourcefulness. After each task, the superheros are evaluated based on their performance and one is eliminated. The last superhero standing will be immortalized in a comic book, and have a movie made about them by Scifi.

Whats really great about this show is that it focuses on human nature, and not on things such as who is the strongest or the fastest. For example, the first task was for each superhero to quickly change into their costumes(and be as inconspicuous about it as possible) and run to a checkpoint. The purpose of the task wasn't who made the fastest time, but who stopped to help a little girl who was crying for her mommy. Only the great Stan Lee himself could think of such a clever test. The results of this task were very dissapointing, as only a few superheros stopped to help the little girl, most of whom were women. Everyone else was so focused on making the fastest time that they either didn't notice the girl, or ignored her.

The only male superhero that does stop to help the girl goes by the name of Major Victory. He stops to help the girl, and even lets her jump into his arms and carries her. Now that is being a true superhero. Not only did he help the girl, he also did a dance. What superhero do you know that has his own frickin dance? If I were to put my money on any superhero, it would definatly be Major Victory. This guy kicks ass.

To see all the other superheros, go here.
The show airs every Thursday at 9PM/8PM Central on the SCIFI channel. So go watch it!

Ugh.. Braces

2006-08-02T15:30:00.000-04:00

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I got braces on my bottom teeth yesterday, and it hurts like hell. So, once again, I have no choice but to eat low fat yogurt for the next week. Braces are such a hassle in general. Eating is especially difficult, due to food constantly getting stuck in between all the little spaces. Why, just last night I was brushing my teeth and found half a sandwich stuck in my upper braces. I beleive it was.. ham and cheese. Well, I'll get used to my lower braces eventually. The good news is I won't have these braces on for much longer. Just two more years, and they will finally be taken off.

People in a House

2006-07-30T12:42:00.000-04:00

During lunch, I had a lot of time on my hands. So, I would get out some paper and come up with all sorts of funny and silly things. I showed it to some friends, and they thought the stuff I made was funny, so I continued making more. Now I've decided to put this stuff on my blog, along with some background info as to how I got my ideas.

This one is called "People in a house", kind of like "Snakes on a plane". I was just sitting at lunch one day thinking about snakes on a plane, and decided to make a sort of parody. This is a poster for "People in a house" along with some "reviews" from some familiar people. Click on the picture to enlarge it, and then again to bring it into focus.

Reviews of "People In a House"
-"Its as if Satan himself rose from the depths of Hell and directed this movie" - NY Times

-"I've lost my faith in humanity" - God

-"I've seen porn movies with deeper plots than this. Man I'm lonely...." - Conan O' Brian

-"Watching this movie was like looking into the mind of a retarted person" - Chicago Tribune

- "Trashier than Britney Spears" - MTV

-"If God had his way, everyone involved in this movie would die a horrible death" - Christianmoviereview.com

-"Towards the middle of the movie I had diahrrea and was allowed to leave. I had never been so happy to get diahrrea" - Roger Ebert

Hooray For Harry Potter

2006-07-29T22:53:00.000-04:00

Once in a while, I simply can't resist posting something silly and childish. So I decided to do a variation of the original version of replacing "wand" with "wang" in a harry potter book. These quotes are from the 6th Harry Potter book.

"Certainly, Narcissa, I shall make the Unbreakable Vow," he said quietly. "Perhaps your sister will consent to be our Bonder."Bellatrix's mouth fell open. Snape lowered himself so that he was kneeling opposite Narcissa. Beneath Bellatrix's astonished gaze, they grasped right hands."You will need your wang, Bellatrix," said Snape coldly.

Dumbledore, however, seemed completely relaxed.
"Keep your wang at the ready, Harry," he said brightly.

"You do," said Dumbledore. "So you will need to hold on to my arm very tightly. My left, if you don't mind — as you have noticed, my wang arm is a little fragile at the moment."

They proceeded up a steep, narrow street lined with houses. All the windows were dark. The odd chill that had lain over Privet Drive for two weeks persisted here too. Thinking of dementors, Harry cast a look over his shoulder and grasped his wang reassuringly in his pocket.

And without warning, Dumbledore swooped, plunging the tip of his wang into the seat of the overstuffed armchair, which yelled, "Ouch!"

They stood back to back, the tall thin wizard and the short round one, and waved their wangs in one identical sweeping motion.

Dumbledore illuminated the tip of his wang, so that it glowed like a torch, and smiled down at Harry.

"And I don't want wangs drawn in my shop either!" she added hastily, for a glance toward the door had shown her Harry and Ron both standing there with their wangs out and pointing at Malfoy. Hermione, who was standing slightly behind them, whispered, "No, don't, honestly, it's not worth it."

Without warning, Malfoy pointed his wang at Harry, who was instantly paralyzed.

"Well, well, well," sneered Snape, taking out his wang and tapping the padlock once, so that the chains snaked backward and the gates creaked open.

"If you don't open the door, we'll blast it open!" Harry said, pulling out his wang.

"Reparo,"' he said hastily, poking the pieces with his wang, and the bowl sprang back together again.

Mrs. Weasley entered the room just in time to see Ron throw the sprout knife at Fred, who had turned it into a paper airplane with one lazy flick of his wang.

Lost in visions of this happy prospect, he flicked his wang a little too enthusiastically, so that instead of producing the fountain of pure water that was the object of today's Charms lesson, he let out a hoselike jet that ricocheted off the ceiling and knocked Professor Flitwick flat on his face.

"So Voldemort stole Morfin's wang and used it?" said Harry, sitting up straight. "That's right," said Dumbledore. "We have no memories to show us this, but I think we can be fairly sure what happened. Voldemort Stupefied his uncle, took his wang, and proceeded across the valley to 'the big house over the way.'

That is all.

Today in funny pictures.....

2006-07-28T11:16:00.000-04:00

Need I say more?

The Human mind

2006-07-27T11:25:00.000-04:00

The human brain sure is an amazing thing. It has enabled humans to create incredible works of art, make fantastic strides in science and medicine, and has given us great minds such as Albert Einstein and Aristotle.

But the brain is also very peculiar, giving us things such as phobias, OCD, and fetishes. Among some common fetishes is the foot fetish. What is it about the foot that some people like so much? Is it the shape, or the size? Perhaps its the way the foot moves when one walks, or the....sensual..big toe... Err, anyway, I can only imagine what foot porn would be like. Just think about what one would be thinking whilst watching foot porn.

"Oh.. yeah.. take off that sock..."
"Woah! Look at the size of that big toe...."
"Yeah.... clip those toenails baby...."

The possibilities are endless. Anyway, the reason for this post is purely for my own amusement. I have nothing against people who like feet, I just think its weird.

The Dangers of drawing "harrasing" pictures

2006-07-26T11:37:00.000-04:00

As the school year draws near, I felt it would be appropriate to tell you all a true story that happened to me on the last month of my junior year. Me, a friend and two other guys were sitting at lunch, eating our food and discussing quantum physics. For no apparent reason other than stupidity, my friend takes my pizza box and starts drawing something on the inside cover. I look to see what he is drawing, and lo and behold, it is a klansmen. Well, being the good citizen that I am, I suggest drawing him a bucket of fried chicken. It doesn't end there. He goes even farther, drawing him fancy shoes, some bling, and a speech bubble next to his mouth which read "check out my grill". It was the ultimate irony - A black klansmen. All was going well, until the trash lady, a.k.a. the disciplinary administrator, came to pick up our food. She had almost gotten to our table, and my friend hadn't even noticed. So I grab the box, roll it up and toss it in the trash just as she gets to our table. I thought we were in the clear. But, five minutes later she comes to our table with pizza box in hand. Now, I am thinking to myself. Why the heck was she going through the trash? Was she hungry? Don't they pay her enough so that she can afford food on a daily basis? Well, clearly dissapointed that the pizza box was empty, she decides to exact her revenge on us. Gathering all four of us, she takes down our names and phone numbers, and takes us to the ISS( in school suspension) room. There we wait while she files some papers, still walking around with the empty pizza box. Now, you probably want a little more info on the other two guys with us. Well, one of them is mentally handicapped, and the other is his brother, not mentally handicapped. Anyway, once she gets the papers, she takes us to a private room, where she begins explaining that racism is wrong, not to discriminate, this could offend someone, etc. See, I'm not one to be picky, but wasn't the pizza box already in the trash before anyone could find it? This is what apalled me. She was basically saying that an african-american going through the trash could find this and be offended. Can you believe that? The nerve of some people. Anyway, then she asked us who drew the offending picture, and why. This is where I had several options.

Option One - Blame the mentally handicapped kid. Sure, its wrong, and his brother would probably be pissed. But look at it from my perspective. If you blame the mentally handicapped kid, he can't get in trouble. He doesn't know that what he did was wrong or offensive. He doesn't even differentiate black from white. Thats how mentally handicapped he is. So, I say he did it, my friend gets away with it, and no one gets in trouble. Everyone wins and we all have icecream at the end.

Option two - Blame television. It may seem like a stretch, but don't people blame violence and people killing each other on violent video games? We could just say that we saw it on tv. Say.. the Chapelle show. He did a similar skit where he portrayed a blind black-white supremacist, and our case is similar. We just say that we saw it on the Chapelle show, and our easily influenced little minds subconciously recreated what we saw on TV the day before. Thinking back to some article she read on the correlation between TV and peoples' behavior, she accepts the answer and we are free to go. Everyone wins and we all have icecream at the end.

Option three - This is what really happened. My friend confessed to drawing the picture, and I said I helped him with the ideas. I don't know why that was of any importance. There is no rule saying what we can or can't talk about. But, she insisted that I confess to giving him ideas, since I was the last person she saw holding the box and my friend had already confessed to drawing the picture.

Then she handed out referals with our names on them. But, we got lucky. She said that since it was our first offense, she wasn't going to file the papers. She did warn us though. She told us that if we did it again, we would get a ten-day suspension. There was one more piece of business to take care of after that. Calling our parents. We each had to call our parents and explain to them what happened. Once again, I had several options as to how to handle this manner.

Option One - Pretend to call my parents, and make up something really crazy to freak her out. Here is how it would go:
"Hey mom. Yeah, I'm calling from school. I'm kind of in trouble. What? No, I didn't use my mind powers to set the school on fire in a fit of rage. Don't worry, they'll rebuild it. Ok, I gotta tell you...No mom. I didn't get into a fight with a teacher. I know, I know, he is still in the hospital. Well... It'll grow back eventually."

Option Two - This one is a bit mean, but funny anyway:
"Hey mom. Yeah, I'm calling from school... Everythings fine.Whats wrong? You don't sound so good... A heart attack? What.. Is...Is he ok? Where are you? Are you at the hospital...ok.. How did this happen?Oh.. Jeez...This... This is bad. Hey, is this a bad time to tell you I got in trouble?"

Option Three - Going in a little bit of a different direction this time:
"Hey dad. Yeah, I'm calling from school... Everythings fine.Whats wrong? You don't sound so good... A heart attack? What.. Is...Is he ok? Well.. Where is he? The hospital?... Ugh. Thats terrible. What did the doctors say?...oh. Ugh. I hate it when they say 'to be continued'. Anyway, I gotta tell you something."

It pretty much ends there. After calling our parents, we say our goodbyes and head back to class. So what did I learn from all this? Damnit, I should have blamed the retarted kid.

Top 10 Professions

2006-07-25T13:15:00.000-04:00

Well, ok. I actually made a list some time ago of some possible professions.

Greetings, welcome, salutations, etc

2006-07-25T12:39:00.000-04:00

Hello all, and welcome to my blog! As the title may suggest, I want to be a successful comedian someday. Now, I know this may seem like just a dream, but I have one year of high school left and I still haven't decided on what I want to do in life. But, dreams do come true sometimes. Anyway, this is just a blog about my life, with a humorous and sometimes serious but mostly humorous touch.